11/29/2023 0 Comments Courageous conversations model![]() My encouragement for them has been to drop out all these apologetic fillers, and any superfluous positive talk to begin with, and genuinely raise the issue in a firm, fair and neutral tone. This is particularly important for those conversation instigators who have a ‘peacemaker’ behavioural style, especially if they are having to have a courageous conversation with an A-type personality who may read a soft start-up as weakness.Ĭonversely, it isn’t necessary to start with too hard or too harsh a tone that may cause a reasonable person to become defensive, or an already defensive person to become aggressive in response. ![]() They would use statements like, “I just called you in here because I sort of have a bit of an issue with the way that you kind of address people in a bit of a harsh tone.” Now that is something of an exaggeration in order to demonstrate the point, but it is a clear representation of the kind of dismissive and apologetic tones that I have heard workplace leaders use to start up these conversations. I would hear these emerging leaders start courageous conversations by commending the recipient and telling them how well they were doing in an attempt to ‘soften the blow’ of the actual issue being raised. At any point along the journey, the conversational tone may become firmer or softer depending on the recipient's above or below the line response ![]() This meant that they needed to be aware of the kind of fillers in their vocabulary which indicated their discomfort and desire to make the other party feel more at ease. Once they were aware of them, they needed to omit them from their conversation. These kinds of fillers include phrases such as: “bit of”, “kind of”, “sort of” and the repetitive use of the word “just”. I developed this simple model – “The Y Conversations Model”, in response to how frequently I would see frontline and/or first-time leaders in the workplace start these kinds of conversation with too soft a tone, simply as a reflection of the discomfort that they were feeling. Telling the recipient how well they're doing may simply be an attempt to 'soften the blow' of the actual issue being raised Beginning with a neutral tone that can be adapted depending on the recipient’s response or reaction.There are three main alternatives in terms of the start-up tone of courageous conversation: “It should help you understand the tone with which to begin a courageous conversation with Daniel…” CHAPTER EIGHT - SETTING THE TONE The "Y" Conversations Model© “Then let’s look at the Y conversations model” the Coach replied. “I know that we’re passed the warm heart stage, and possibly passed the calm head stage also, but I am concerned about how my tone should come across in the next conversation that I’ve booked to have with Daniel.” “I’m definitely going to lift my game with Daniel” Sandra continued. The Coach just sat there smiling as Sandra talked so passionately about the issue of ownership and responsibility. And of course, I now realise that Daniel is not the only one who needs to take more responsibility on this issue - I also need to get above the line and take the responsibility for having the courageous conversation with him and bringing it to a resolution.” I know that you gave me this model so I could work out Daniel’s attitude, but I had no idea how much it would put the microscope on my own attitude. I’ve told Amy that I’ll be stepping up my ownership for interdepartmental comms and she was really pleased to hear that. It’s been brilliant at work also! I realised I haven’t been taking as much responsibility as I could have for several projects at work. “That above and below the line model is just incredible! I know you gave it to me to give me an easy framework for assessing Daniel’s attitude, but it really has been a Godsend in so many ways! I’m using it in conversations with my husband, with my kids, even to manage my attitude at my indoor netball games. ![]() The Above the Line Model has revolutionized my thinking in both my personal and professional life! Without even saying hello she launched into how the Above the Line model had revolutionized her thinking in aspects of both her personal and professional life. Sandra couldn’t wait for her next conference call with her Coach.
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